Think, for a moment, about the creation of the universe. The sheer scale of it… galaxies and stars and planets, all springing from something smaller than the head of a pin. Science tells us life emerged from chemistry, then organisms, then animals, then mammals, then people who are capable of sitting quietly and thinking about where they came from.
At the end of that extraordinary chain of events, here we are. And the most important thing in your life will not be any of the stuff you accumulate, or the career you build, or the status you achieve. It will be the relationships you have with the people around you.
Which brings me to the shortest letter I could write you, and the one that took me longest to learn properly: be nice. Love people.
What love actually is
Stick with me here, because the Bible is unusually clear on this, and as with most things, I have found it gets the hard stuff right.
The biblical understanding of love is not sentimental. It does not describe a feeling that comes and goes with the weather. It describes a dynamic, ongoing choice to care for others, modelled in the relationship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, where love is not static but constantly expressed and received. God is love, and we are made in God’s image, which means love is not something external to us that we try to attain. It is what we are made of. The question is whether we choose to live from it.
Jesus is blunt about the practical implication:
Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
— John 13:34
And then, in the passage that most challenged me when I first sat with it properly:
Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
— Matthew 5:44
That is not an easy ask. But it is the ask. Not as a performance of virtue, but as a genuine orientation of the heart.
Why being nice is not trivial
Here is something I find genuinely interesting: psychology has spent decades catching up to what the Bible has been saying about kindness for thousands of years. Acts of kindness release oxytocin, the hormone of trust and connection. They lower cortisol, reduce inflammation, improve heart health. People who are consistently kind are more resilient, more optimistic, and more likely to be trusted with real responsibility. Social mirroring means that the behaviour you put out into the world tends to come back to you.
In other words, there are entirely selfish reasons to be nice. But I do not think you should lead with those reasons. The better reason is that it is who you want to be.
My personal view
There is plenty of theory and science and theology available on kindness. For me it is simpler than any of that.
Being nice is about a positive outlook and a mental toughness. When you consistently look for the good in people and offer it yourself, you keep bitterness and cynicism at bay. Those two things, bitterness and cynicism, are probably the most corrosive forces in a human life, and they are entirely optional. You do not have to pick them up.
Being nice builds relationships that actually matter. When you want the best for people and go out of your way to help them, you end up with friendships and partnerships that are meaningful and lasting, the kind that show up when things go wrong.
And yes, being nice opens doors. People want to work with those who are respectful, considerate, and easy to be around. Nice guys do win, at least the ones who are also competent and trustworthy.
A word on the old saying: don’t be a dick. I say this with full knowledge that it is not the most theological formulation available. But it captures something true. At the end of a complicated day, much of ethics comes down to this. Treat people well. Show up with kindness. You will have fewer regrets.
Kindness is not weakness
This is important, so I want to be direct about it.
True kindness is grounded in wisdom and strength. Being nice does not mean ignoring your own boundaries, or letting people take advantage of you, or agreeing with things you know are wrong. It means choosing empathy while also choosing discernment. You can be firm and still be kind. You can stand up for yourself and still show grace. You can disagree with someone clearly and still respect them.
Kindness without wisdom can become people-pleasing, which is exhausting and ultimately dishonest. Kindness with wisdom is one of the most powerful combinations available. It lets you maintain your integrity without losing your warmth.
So: be nice. Not as a strategy. As a character. Love people. Love the difficult ones as well as the easy ones. You will not always manage it. Neither do I. But when you fall short, you know what you are aiming for. And that is half the work.
Related: Letter 1: Have Faith | My Testimony